Surviving the Addiction

Updates

2009-08-25T21:20:00.003-04:00

Hey yo everyone! OK....this is going to be short and sweet because I've got big news. Surviving the Addiction is getting a makeover. Yes, that's true. Pretty soon you're going to see a whole new site dedicated to finding our god potential (among other things) :-). I'm soo excited as this is one way that I think I can help to spread the word.

So, hang in there folks and until then remember this to get you through those tough days....

He who lives in you is stronger than he who is in the world.

Until next time....:-)

Happy

2009-08-18T21:12:00.002-04:00

Well, this was a very long day. Whenever I travel I dread that first day back in the office. I needed to get some work done and I didn't want to walk in tomorrow morning and be totally swamped.

I found out today that there is going to be a free concert at the Starbucks in Doral this Thursday. I'm quite excited because that is just the pick me up I need to get me through the week.

Is it weird that I notice a lot of things differently at work towards my co-workers? I know that we should love our neighbor but some of the people that I work with are in the same place that I was in the past. Problem is that I don't see any of them changing or wanting to change. I read a book the other day called "23 minutes in Hell". Now, I know that I should be learning about good things but I think that in order to realize our future we need to be informed of what is out there. I was absolutely shocked at the first chapter. I sat there kind of shaking, not because I was worried about experiencing that myself. It was more because I feel shocked that some of my fellow co-workers will be there to endure that. I pulled out my bible and looked up a couple of verses that I had found. There is no way to God but through his Son. The road to him is narrow and hard. Most people won't make it. The road away from him is wide and easy. Most people will go there. Why is it that I'm so shocked to discover this? Or is the better question, Why would God send good people to Hell? I read something the other day about the rich man and beggar. I don't remember what book it was in but it was about how the rich man had everything and lived life to the fullest. The beggar had sores and had nothing. Soon the beggar passed away and then the rich man followed. The beggar went to heaven and the rich man went to hell. When the rich man was in the fire he looked up and saw the beggar standing next to Father Abraham. He asked if he could send the beggar down to tip his finger in the water to help cool his unquenchable thirst. Father Abraham said that while living, you had everything and that you never gave to help out the beggar. The rich man then pleaded again. Father Abraham then said, "There is nothing that we can do. There is an invisible force between us. No one can travel from here to there or from there to here." Then the rich man, realizing that he was doomed there forever, begged Father Abraham to send the beggar back to Earth to warn his brothers. He said that his brothers would listen if someone came back from the dead to tell them. Father Abraham then said no because the message is already there. If they didn't listen to Moses the first time then they will not listen at all.

This story amazed me. It makes me think that some people are destined to go to Hell. But I think that it's our job to help people realize that is not where they want to be. I just feel sad that some people I know are too stubborn to do anything about it until it is too late.

So those are my thoughts for this evening. Going to check out now and do some more reading.

God Bless.

Until next time...:-)

Worship

2009-08-17T23:01:00.003-04:00

So, I've been trying to find ways to keep myself going strong on the path towards God. Here it is only one day after the last FRC service at Doral and I'm already wishing next Sunday was tomorrow. LOL

I went onto iTunes and found out that there is a lot of great worship music on there. Since I have some store credit left over from my birthday present I went shopping. When I was driving back from Orlando, I had Z88.3 on the radio and I heard this song called The Lost Get Found. It was by an artist named Britt Nicole. I downloaded her album and after listening to it I have to say it's pretty dang good. The title song really spoke to me but I like most of the other titles on there as well. I also downloaded some Kelly Clarkson songs too. Besides Carrie Underwood, I still think she is the American Idol.

I'm trying to decide also what I want to do at FRC Doral. I know that volunteering is key to helping the campus thrive and grow. But I'm thinking of two things. One, if I get too involved too quickly will I forget about the main purpose that I'm there? But I also feel that need to help out. I guess with all my technical experience I should do something in the video realm but I really would like to do something regarding worship. I really do love music and I have a feeling that maybe that is where I should be.

Also, I found a website called www.xxxchurch.com. It is not what you think and if you have time, I would check it out. It's something that is very passionate to me and I think I'm going to try and get involved later on this year. I'm not strong enough to help out yet as I am still in that growing stage. But I will help out in some way, shape or form.

Well, it's getting late and I need to try and get some sleep. I do have a lot of things to say but there is always tomorrow.

Until next time....;-)

Back home....

2009-08-16T17:07:00.002-04:00

So...this week of recruiting is over and I think that I've found a good group of newbies that want to come in and do some really cool things and shake up the world, so to say. After a while, people get complacent and especially in this line of work, you always have to re-invent yourself. Otherwise, it's time to look for something else. People might think that is wrong in this economy to say that but I disagree. You have to do that no matter what the framework is like out there. We work in an industry of travel. Constant travel by that means. You have to constantly re-invent yourself or you run out of guests. No guests - no money. No money - no job, for anyone. As the Trump once said, "Nothing Personal. Just Business."

The message at Flamingo Road this week was pretty fantastic. You can get the free podcast on iTunes. Just search for Flamingo Road Church in the podcast directory. We are talking about Kings of the Old Testament. Not something that me being a newer Christian thought would be exciting to learn. But I think that the way Pastor Troy (troygramling.com - check it out) delivers the message is amazing. He makes it really easy to understand and parts of it are fun too! I know, fun at church -- Really? YES!!!

I've learned a lot in these last two weeks and now realize a lot clearer a lot of the things that have troubled me. I've made the commitment to surrender all to him and leave it in his hands. Everything. Finances, Stress, Work, etc. etc. etc.

Did you know what the most important commandment is? I was really interested to learn this. I'll give you a hint. It's in Luke (which also surprised me). It says, Love the lord your god with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul. (well, I haven't quite mesmerized it yet but that is the basic jist of it.) And love your neighbor like you love god. I found that amazing.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Until next time....:-)

Cedar Point

2009-08-13T10:58:00.002-04:00

I've been here in Sandusky, Ohio for the last two days on a recruiting trip for techs / broadcast techs / etc. I have found a couple really good people and was surprised. Also, the weather here has been so much better than in Miami. I really hate July & August in Miami. The humidity, the feeling that the sun is just taking a few extra years off of you. It's like when Harry Potter met the dementors for the first time. (LOL)

So as of right now, I'm sitting in the lobby of our hotel and waiting to head to Cleveland to the airport and then back to Miami. Tomorrow, more recruiting and I'm off to Orlando. I love Orlando, I would rather live there than Miami.

Well, just a quick update. God Bless everyone and hope all is well.

Until next time.....:-)

Monday Monday LOL

2009-08-10T20:23:00.002-04:00

So, today has been a good day. I got to see my good friend Darcie today. We had some good conversations and breakfast down in South Beach at Jimmy Z's. Good food but super pricy. Now I know why I only go down to South Beach when friends are in town.

I'm flying to Cleveland tomorrow so it will give me a couple of hours to start reading my new bible. I'm also trying to finish book 3 of the Zodiac series that I'm reading. My problem is that I can't read two books at the same time. I have to finish what I'm reading currently before I can start another one. I should finish that tonight so I'll be good to go for the next three days.

Busy travel schedule. Tues, Wed, Thur -- Cleveland. Friday -- Orlando, Saturday -- Gainsville and then driving back. Need to be up for church at FRC Doral at 10:30am. Might be a little tired but I think that I'll make it. LOL

I also spoke to my good friend Meg Pie today. I really miss her. We always had a lot of fun together, even when we spent a lot of time together in Germany. Good Times.

Well, I still have to pack, make some dinner tonight and make sure that I don't forget anything. Plus I have a morning meeting up until when I need to be at the airport. Oh happy day. :-)

Take care and God Bless All. :-)

Until next time.......

A Fresh Start

2009-08-09T22:28:00.002-04:00

Today is Sunday, August 9th and I'm sitting at home watching the NFL Hall of Fame game. I'm so happy that football season is back. I am still a fan of soccer and baseball (at times) but it's good to watch the pigskin.

So, it's been about a year and a half since I've blogged. Wow...so much has happened. I fell back into the addiction that I tried so hard to avoid (and the reason why this was started in the first place). I guess that times in your life, you have to be able to just survive.

But I don't need to do that anymore. I have never felt better tonight than I do right now. Yes, I still have a bunch of problems but now I feel like I've got a hand on them.

What's changed? Well, God. Jesus. Music. Church. I found a place where I feel like I can be home. Flamingo Road Church (www.flamingoroadchurch.com). I went and listened to the service on Saturday night and everything that the Pastor said spoke to me. Not that he was speaking directly to me but his message was everything I was doing in my life. I had that emptiness and sorrow and just feeling like I was living day by day. At the end of the day, that is what we all do but what about the afterlife? If people would have asked me what it is that I'm afraid of, it's being alone. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of being alone or death. I know it's strange but it's a great feeling. I accepted Christ into my life and have seen everything differently today.
There is a lot more to learn and grow from but I feel like this is where I belong. This is where I'm going to thrive and prosper. This is where I should be. I've been pretty much everywhere and done almost everything. at the end of the day where has it got me? a few mintues of fun and enjoyment then depression afterward. So, now the blog will continue and I have to keep this going to keep myself accountable. That is one of the main things I need to do to rid myself of the thoughts and old behavior.

I also changed my profile pic to the Left Behind series. Even before I found the church, I read this series because it is fantastic. the writing is superb and it follows a subject that everyone loves to talk about. The end times.

Well, I'm going to get some sleep.

Until next time.....:-)

Back to packing....

2007-12-19T21:56:00.000-05:00

So, it's the last night on the ship and it's 10pm and I'm almost packed. That has to be a world record for me. Usually, I have to be off the ship at 10am and I'm starting to pack at 8am. I've basically finished all of my work and am now just waiting for the ship to get back to NYC. Then I have to fight with morning rush hour, get a taxi to LaGuardia and hopefully make my flight. Then it's off to Midway, ride the "L" to Union Station and then the Amtrak to Milwaukee.

I'm hoping my brother remembers to come and get me. Cause that would really suck if he's not there. :-)

The christening was pretty hectic. The passengers loved it and didn't know what was happening behind the scenes. Everything went off perfectly and didn't know that we were going crazy all the way up to and during the event. Even this morning, 12 hours after the ceremony we were still trying to get everything set. Just another new ship in NYC. I don't know what I'm going to do next year when we don't have a new ship. HA!

I've been doing really well on the eight days I've been here. Have not spent any money except for a few christmas gifts. No sushi bar, steakhouse, drinking in the bars. It's funny but I've been getting to bed around 10pm and waking up feeling good at 8am. I know, I know, getting older. We all do it. No use fretting about it. :-)

I'm excited and scared to go home. Excited because I'll get to spend x-mas with my nephew and niece but I'm scared to break the news to my parents. I mean, who out there wants to tell their parents anything bad. Sometimes, secrets should stay secrets and we all need to keep our skeletons in the closet. We all have them. But when it starts to affect your life then you need to do something about it. I've been going over my "speech" so to say all week. Running it over in my mind. No fabrications at all. Just the plain old truth about what going on. I guess maybe I'm not scared as disappointed. I have to keep my head up and keep reaching for the goal. As DC Talk says, "I was down and I was low. I didn't think there was no place to go.....I had to learn the hardway...." Time to continue putting what I've learned into motion. I've made two much progress in the last two months to stop now. :-)

Well, it's time to get my laundry and finish packing. Cheers!!!

Sunday Football

2007-12-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

I am from Green Bay and hence love watching the Packers play every Sunday. I also work in an industry where I travel a lot and sometimes I realize that I might not be able to watch the game. It sucks but that's part of life. So, I don't understand why some people can't understand that. Good case in point....Patriots fans. Here we are on a cruise ship at sea and we are too far away to get the game. So, we don't have the game. Whine, Whine, Whine....get the game, get the game. If the game was so damm important, stay home and watch it.

OK, that's my rant for today. I'm going to go online and see what's happening with my favorite European Football team, the Arsenal Gunners. Big game today against cross town rivals Chelsea. Dirty Blues!!!!

Alright, the swells are starting to get bad and I need to get lower. Cheers.

It's cold up north...

2007-12-14T20:10:00.001-05:00

My job has taken me north into a heck of a snowstorm in Boston, Mass. It has not bothered me very much because this is what December is to me. Growing up in the Midwest was great because we had four seasons. Christmas is not christmas without snow. The humid winter days in Miami were getting me depressed. Now, it's been really cold up here. Almost an uncomfortable cold but still pleasant at the same time.

I've got my budget set up for next year. I've decided to move into a two bedroom with a good friend of mine. I have a one bedroom right now and it's nice but I can save about $600 or more by moving. That will pay my car payment and my IRA each month. Also, more money that I can put on my debt. If next year goes as planned, I should only have a few months after that and be debt free. Yippee!!!

Otherwise, not much else is happening. Working a lot on different projects and trying to get as much sleep as I can. It's hard when you're on the road. Nothing ever feels as good as home.

I've also got some good news. I'm working on stuff for the Travel Channel as well as starting to write a book. A book you say? Yep!! I was at Art Basel in South Beach which is one of the biggest art festivals in the world and I met a friend of a friend (which is how it always is). We started talking and had a pretty good conversation. He asked me if I ever thought about writing a book about my life. I never thought anyone would want to sit down and read about it but I told him that I have this blog and to check it out and see what he thinks. He did and then called me and asked me to write a treatment. So, I did and now he wants me to write a rough draft and we'll take it from there. I asked for an advance. He laughed...I was serious. Anyways, I'm going to start writing it with a plan to be done with it by next summer.

So, all in all things are looking up. The hardest part of this "recovery" will be when I head home for the holidays. Only the second time in the last 12 years. I think that I can finally get out of this funk and move onward and upward. Depression sucks. I can't get to sleep sometimes because I keep running the scenario in my mind. Sometimes I chicken out and then I feel even more guilty. When I wake up I think to myself, it's only a dream. But that dream is becoming a reality in about seven days. Gut check, time to take a deep breath and go for it. You will always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

I think I need some cold, crisp air. :-)

14 days & a lot better....

2007-12-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

So, it has been a while since I last posted. My job has been crazy. Busy going here, there, everywhere. Plus, I've been trying to get situated for the big move. Next wednesday I am heading up to NYC and then home for the holidays. Unfortunately, my flight is coming back to Miami at 7am on New Years Day. I'm not disappointed about not partying on New Years Eve. That was my goal. If I have to be up early to travel, I won't go out.

I've decided to cut down tremendously on drinking, period. My New Years resolution (or one of them) is to not drink at all in 2008. My other goal is to cut down on my debt considerably and to get back in shape. How am I to do this? Well, I'm going to start biking to work and writing down all my expenses and spending more time doing things that don't cost money. Playing my Wii. Exercising, finding a church to get involved in. Pick up reading where I left off, etc. My biggest worry is being alone. That is what I am scared of the most. I've been very lucky to have always been surrouned by so many people in my life. Whether it was working at a bank, theme park or on a ship. Going from that social environment to a life of solitude (or very close to it) has been tough. I think that I've beat my depression though. It's been hard. This whole year has taken a toll on me. But, I've done very well. But, exactly how well...

I've paid of nearly $15K of my debt. I've managed to go to Europe and not visit any clubs, houses of ill repute (streetwalkers), bars or coffee shops. I even went to Amsterdam and walked through the Red Light without stopping. That doesn't sound like much but the temptation in the past was too much to pass up. That's what happens when your depressed but you keep it all inside. You think you can work it out on your own. Some do but the most don't or get in too deep before they realize they need help. Luckily for me, I got help at the right time. The only thing that I have to work on is being more honest than I already am. You don't want people to know that you need help. I feel like the person that everyone comes to help but if I need help, who can I turn too. Nobody ever thinks you need help. You are the one that helps everyone else. It becomes a nasty spiral and even I thought that I could beat it.

The best thing is that you have to move forward. Stop living in the past and make choices to better your future. Never give up. That's the old fashioned american dream and I'm going for it. Will next year be any easier. No, it will be harder. But I'm going to hit it head first. That's the only option I have.

Cheers everyone. Have a good night.

Just a quick stop by...

2007-11-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

These last two days have taken a lot out of me. I've been getting to sleep around midnight but having to wake up at 5:30am because I've had to be to work at 7am. With traffic in Miami as crazy as ever I had to get up. So working all day and night and then little sleep has had a bad effect on me. Tommorow is thansgiving and a day to sleep in and watch football.

I will be posting more tomorrow as I've got lots to say.

Have a great night everyone.

I am Beowulf...

2007-11-19T23:13:00.001-05:00

Everytime I see that commercial, I like to say that. Today was a long day at work. I'm trying to do some winter cleaning because I'm going to be traveling again next month and then early next year. Plus, we're moving offices and we are going to have to move anyway. Might as well start early.

I have to be up extremely early tomorrow because I have business to attend to. I'm still at home and it's 11:15pm EST. That's a very good thing because Monday was usually the night where I would head up to Platnium for a little Monday Night Football. My friend Limary's called me and asked where I was and if I was coming? I actually didn't talk to her. She left a voice mail and then I text her back. If I would have spoken to her I probably would have broke. It's a little shady but I have to stick to my guns. I went to lunch with a co-worker today who's been in my situation (or as close to as anyone I know). It was good because it gave me hope. Hope that there is life to be had down here in Miami. Lord knows that nobody knows how to drive. Took me 45 minutes to get home today when I live less than 3 miles away.

So, it's a small blog today but I will write more tomorrow. Here's a joke that I heard from a person at the office. What's the difference between the Mickey D's in Frankfurt, Germany and Miami, Florida? They speak better English in Germany. Wouldn't be half as funny if it wasn't true.

Good night all. No money spent tonight & I didn't go out. Another small victory. :-)

Day Two -- I made it so far.

2007-11-18T21:53:00.000-05:00

This has been a crazy day. I went and picked up my friend and we went to the Ale House to watch NFL Sunday Ticket. I love to sit back and watch the games on all of their plasma screens. Sometimes it is sensory overload but in a good way. That has been good but after dinner, life has become tough. I got a call from my friend who was heading down to SoBe (that's south beach for those of you not in florida. don't worry, I didn't know it either when I first moved down here.) I wasn't that moved except there were these two fine women who were going with him. I know this because they stopped by my place. They were so hot. Like jumped out of the magazine and into my couch. It took everything in me to say no. But after they left I sat with my cell phone in my hand talking to myself for about an hour. Call -- don't call -- call -- don't call. I had to get out so I went to the mall. Not the best place to be when you don't have any cash. I went and walked around. Lucky for me, the thing that I wanted doesn't come out till next week. Yippee!! I came back home and turned on the Cowboys / Redskins game. But then the craving started. My body was saying, we have to go out. Get dressed!!! My mind was saying no. I eventually came to the internet and started searching everything. Mission: Impossible came on and now at 10pm, I think I'm ok. I call this a victory.

People don't understand what an addiction really is. I don't think you can ever really know without having one, if that makes any sense. The fact that it's Sunday was never an occurence for me. My body always gets it's fifth wind of the day and wants to get going. I call is insomnia. It's like the feeling you get from drugs or alcohol. But for me, it's just being out. I could just be walking around the mall and feel fine. Being stuck in my hotel room makes me feel like I'm going insane. Good thing I'm not in prison because if I ever got send to solitary, I would go crazy. Well, I think I'm going to take my small victory and head to bed. The way I look at it is this. I didn't spend any money this evening and that's good. That's real good.

I've survived my first weekend. Now I have to attack Monday night. (Deep Breath) Good night all.

Survivor -- Day One

2007-11-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

This could be the first day of my life. A new beginning. A breakthrough that I have been looking for. My name is Eric and I'm 6'4" tall. My nickname is big E. I work for a cruise line and have been living on the ships for the last five years. This year I made the jump to our corporate office and life in Miami, Florida. That was about eight months ago. Since being down here my life has gone through many twists and turns and more stress than any human should ever have to deal with. Along with not only trying to find my way came the glamour of South Beach parties, no longer having a mess to eat in and having to pay for gas and try to solve the never ending south florida traffic issue. This blog came up because I was watching a news program on TV and it was this lady who created a blog so that she could pay off all her debts. Not to steal her thunder but I was thinking about this and decided to give it a shot. I don't expect anyone to read this but just the fact that it is out there for anyone might just be the "big brother" I need to help me cure my addictions. So, over the next year I will be writing daily blogs on my thoughts, needs and cravings that sometimes drive me crazy at night in my hotel room. South Beach, Wii parties, Escorts, Alcoholism, World travels, it all is becoming too much. Joaquin Phoenix said in the movie 8MM, "If you dance with the devil, the devil doesn't change.....the devil changes you."

My name is big E and I'm trying to survive the addiction.